What’s Eating Me

Ever since we crossed the equator there have been new and interesting insects confronting us at every turn (or at least stories of them). And by “interesting” I mean horrifying–like from a science fiction movie where everyone but the lead character dies in ways that involve gory dismemberment. As I have to live in fear of these beastly critters, I thought I might share the love a little and feed your nightmares with stories of the insane variety of bugs mother nature has sown here in Africa. This post is not for the faint of heart, or anyone who is eating, so be warned.

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Blister Beetle (also called a “Piss Moth“)

Really a perfect choice to start off the list. This charming insect has acidic urine and relieves itself on you as a defense mechanism. If you touch the resulting blisters, the acid spreads to wherever you touch next. One of the riders, Andre, was fortunate enough to serve as a human urinal for a blister beetle in Tanzania. He describes the resulting string of blisters on his ankles as, “Ghastly.” Andre ended up with several blisters about the size of dimes on both ankles. The more antibiotic cream he put on them, the more they absorbed the cream and swelled even larger. He says the worst part was that when he slept he had to be careful not to roll over on them as they would pop and ooze a sticky fluid. His girlfriend was so grossed out by his affliction, she booted him out of their sleeping bag. Poor guy!

Mango Fly

In the annals of TDA lore is a beautiful story about a woman and her love of the mango fly (or one in particular). You see, the mango fly stings you and plants an egg under you skin. If you scratch it, you can damage the egg and leave half of it behind inside you, which then festers and rots under your skin. Charming. If you don’t harass the bite, the egg will grow into a larva and eventually a tiny worm, which you can give birth to and will slither off and at a later date grow into a mango fly. Apparently last year a woman was bit twice by a mango fly and lovingly gestated two worms in her arm. She called them Jack and Jill. When they were ready to enter the world, she popped out the worms and sent them on their way. Kids, they grow up so fast.

they come out your freakin' EYE...I dare you to google it - kadinsky

Tsetse Fly

The tsetse fly is actually to thank for many of the amazing national parks in Africa. They are so irritating that large swaths of land were never inhabited by the locals or any colonizing groups despite the abundance of game on the land. These areas include the Serengeti National Park and the Tangerie National Park in Tanzania. Thanks to modern insecticides, they’re pretty well under control in most of the parks but during the wet season, when game is less concentrated around scarce water resources, they have no one else to bother so they come after the tourists. Now I know what you’re thinking, I read this blog every day, weren’t your in Tangerie National Park during the wet season? Why yes, yes I was. Wayne, Patrick and I had three days there and every time we drove through the swamp area we were besieged by an army of tsetse flies that snuck into every tiny opening in our safari vehicle.

So what’s so bad about the tsetse fly? I just said they are responsible for some of Africa’s nicest parks after all. Well first of all it bites and sucks your blood. And when it bites, it really hurts and resulting fly bites are itchy for days. Plus, they can bite through even thick clothing so covering up is no defense.

Second, it has a ridiculously hard skeleton that makes it really difficult to kill.

Sort of this like, with wings.

In Tangerie we finally perfected a two-hit system in which you whack the fly on the roof or window with a flip-flop, which stuns it and it drops to the floor where the crucial second whack finishes him off. Without the second hit with full force on the floor, the little bugger will shake off being smacked with a hard object at close range and come back at you.

Third, they swarm. We had literally hundreds of them in the safari vehicle when the driver stupidly picked us up with the windows open. It took an hour of constant sweating and whacking at flies before the number was manageable enough to enjoy the rest of the drive. By the end of the drive, the car looked like a crime scene with the smashed carcasses of flies that had just had a nice meal off us creating bloody prints on the windows. Naturally this breaks the first rule of the national parks, as our driver quipped in a perfect deadpan voice after a particularly enthusiastic twump on a fly by Wayne: “Please do not harass the wildlife.”

Finally, the tsetse fly carries African Sleeping Sickness. Although I’ve been assured that no one actually gets African Sleeping Sickness anymore, I was still a little concerned about the forty bites on my legs and feet after our game drive. Even if Sleeping Sickness isn’t an issue, I’m sure those nasty little things carry other diseases we’ve never heard of. So if I mysteriously fall into a coma, someone please remember to tell Dr. House about all the tsetse fly bites as I have a feeling it will be crucial to his diagnosis.

Mango Fly

Tsetse Fly

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Africanized Killer Bees

Bruno will save you! - k

Ok, so they’re not really killer bees, but they are really aggressive here and sting much more frequently than their North American counterparts. Somehow we ended up with a swarm of bees in the truck one day, which weren’t adequately cleared out and a few stragglers stung two of us riders on two consecutive days. I innocently put my arm down on the seat and one hiding in the cushion stung me on the elbow, which remained swollen and itchy for four days. Maybe not really the stuff of nightmares, but it hurt a lot and I’m looking for some sympathy here.

Fire Ants

One of our South African support staff loves to regale us with stories of the various insects, spiders and snakes that are sure to kill, or at least maim us, during our trip. One of his favorites are the fire ants that swarm across in the millions and eat everything in sight–including people. Yikes.

Though we’ve not come across a plague of ants decimating the entire group in one fail swoop (yet), even the regular ants here are crazy. One bush camp, which I thankfully missed as I had headed into the rest day a night early, was smack in the middle of a biting ant freeway system. Apparently the ants did not take to having tents on top of their transportation infrastructure. When they emerged from their fortresses of doom as dusk fell and discovered tents in their way, they just marched right into any tiny hole in the tents (in groundsheets or where zippers closed) and right over their sleeping inhabitants. Several riders woke up to a brigade of ants marching up their legs, biting as they went. Cheeky little suckers!

Anopheles Mosquito

Anna isn’t anything particularly freaky really–just a mosquito that bites as mosquitoes do. She makes the list though because the female Anopheles is the bug that carries malaria. My friend Patrick, a devilishly handsome Australian who contracted malaria in Tanzania eloquently described the experience for me: “It sucks. Seriously.” One of our support staff also contracted malaria further down in Zambia and was sick for a week. One of the riders served as Florence Nightingale for both the afflicted and she said, “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” Chills, fever, upset stomach, body pain–you name it, malaria brings it. Oh, and death if not treated promptly–don’t forget that one. And just for fun, once you have it, some forms can reoccur years later without warning. Good times. Don’t forget to take your anti-malaria meds folks!

So there you have it, the insects we love to hate here in the TDA. This summer when you’re irritated by some common mosquito in your backyard or a fruit fly in the kitchen, just remember it could be so much worse.

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